Time Trap 

I’m not actually sure why I ever stopped writing. It’s been a very long time and there have also been many many life changes, set backs and tears. I’ve lost people I thought I’d have forever with and then also walked away from people I thought I knew better. It’s a new year and I…

Everybody Knows

It’s been a year of firsts. The first time I’ve made a proper decision and stuck to it. The first time I’ve trusted instinct and gone for a goal. The first time I’ve weighed under 90 then suddenly 80 then under 70. Total loss for 2013 between 34 and 35kg depending on the scale or…

Parisian Purpose

My current world and lifestyle has my imagination draped in gold velvet. I have the time to lie in bed at night and read to my darling noon about wizards and worlds she dreams these days because I spend early dark moon mornings in the gym. This frees my nights and evidently my pectoral muscles…

Pockets of Respect

Some journeys need to be explained in words and kept in caves like this one as reference material for later. There will come a time when I read these words and smile because the realization that I accomplished a goal I set for myself is real. If you don’t know, I lost myself, I had…

Fat Fighting Fae

It’s taken a while to get back to the point where I’m motivated enough to set the record straight. March and April flew past with very different weight loss results; this is how the story played out. At the beginning of March I embarked on a wonderfully vicious journey, a war with myself. I’ve been…

The Fat Blossom

I read a quote the other day that said “be prepared to battle for dreams worth dreaming”. Well I have a dream and I guarantee I’m in the biggest battle I’ve ever agreed to take on. I’m at war with my mind and my body. It’s beautiful to watch because I just know that blossoms…

Escape Fat Camp

On this rather chilly Johannesburg afternoon I’d like to share my most recent little slice of personal enlightenment with you. I’m no guru at these life lessons, sometimes I need to learn the same lesson and make the same mistake six times before it sinks itself into my muscles and becomes part of my blood…

The Mom Wars

If you knew how many times I started this paragraph before deleting it we would never have gotten to the point of me explaining it to you. December of 2012 was one of the most challenging yet rewarding months of my life. I experienced something magical. I think they call it bonding with your children….

If bullshit were a food group…

AND GO… If bullshit were a food group I’d be the size of a killer whale. It’s been 6.5 days on the diet from my dietician. So far things are progressing well, I’m two kilograms down and my bra straps keep falling off. The thing that amazes me is the willpower. I’m viewing food in…

When Fat Girls Run

The point of this blog post is to cut the crap, admit my problem and blog my way through fixing it! I hate everything about the way I look. For years and years I’ve replaced so many faults with foods and have ended up paying the consequences of such food for thought. Three months ago…

A Plastic Portal

She had been collecting and hoarding again. Things were chaotic to the point of mass purchases to fill a void as wide as fields of spring flowers during first bloom. Her body had started reacting to her mind, waiting patiently for a sign explaining how she should proceed. The mannequins in the dining room were…

A moment for you Jacques

To my dear friend Jacques, You arrived in my life one night like a knight on a horse. You carried me through the most emotional times I’ve experienced. You were the type of man that made people smile just by being around. You possessed the miraculous gift of passing on wisdom in a soft and…

Misery Managed?

I’ve been having a very silent internal war with this molestation story for a few months now. It’s a very strange situation as I feel speaking about the events helped me greatly but also feel that the story isn’t finished. To me the words added life to a memory, it was as if speaking about…

Never Forget

“You are the books you read the films you watch, the music you listen to, the people you meet, the dreams you have, the conversations you engage in. You are what you take from these. You are the sound of the ocean, the breath of fresh air, the brightest light and the darkest corner. You…

Her Dipped Life

She was standing at the sink, washing the dishes from the breakfast she had helped prepare, the sun was warm on her forearms streaming in through the kitchen window. The kitchen she was standing in was one of dreams, she had always felt so safe surrounded by pots and cooking, the freedom to create something…

Relative Comfort

She sat staring at the moon through the bedroom window, her hands hadn’t stopped shaking all day and her mind wasn’t at peace. She had been gagging and throwing up all afternoon, a putrid waste of energy flowing out of her life. The reason she had closed her eyes to reality. It was as if something…

Doll House Dreams

There she sat, in her doll house hope haven, surrounded by the fabrics and textures she so deeply admired. She had created this place of refuge to shelter her heart from all the enemies she convinced herself she had. The house itself was majestic. She lived in her mannequin reality. The dolls that occupied her home…

In Bloom

The last few months have been both mentally and physically challenging in ways and wars I wasn’t entirely prepared for. After the operation I took as much time as possible to recover and rediscover this new body *read bosom* of mine. Running has become this amazing experience where nothing moves besides my motivation to keep…

Full Circle Slice

There is no such thing as perfect because perfect is a word described, understood and imagined differently by all people. This constant obsession with perfection burns like a fire sweeping through dry forests. The fire is fueled by fear of returning to what once was. The fear of looking in the mirror and seeing that…